While watching the boring Oscars last night, I kept fantasizing about my own acceptance speech. It's the one where I thank the Academy, my parents, my friends... and then tell everyone who doubted me to suck it. Classy. But honest.
While it may take me a bit to make that fantasy anything close to real, in the meantime, I've recently found myself dealing with fans. Thanks to my Sony commercial reaching 30K views on YouTube(talk about milking 15 minutes of fame!) I now have a new slew of them. Some are borderline stalkers, some are wannabees (read: they want to give me "entertainment advice" and yet the most they've done is perform in their high school talent show) and then there are the genuine kind, my faves! One of my most recent is this adorable kid named Blayne.
Blayne saw my commercial and then reached out to my personal YouTube page asking if I was the same person starring in the commercial. When I confirmed, he was psyched, told me I was his idol. I check this kid's YouTube page and see this video:
I'm his idol?? Pfft! This kid is 14 and making better videos than I did two years ago lol. If I can inspire a kid to be more awesome than they already are, I'm in! And while I'm doing that, I'll continue to be inspired by them.
While this will remain my blog for random thoughts, my thoughts revolving around the 3 weddings I am involved in over the next year will be blogged about here: www.EveryonesWeddingButMine.com . If you don't get the tone of the website from the title, here is the logline: The tales of an unmarried wedding hopper. Sure, it sounds like something only girls would find interesting but I plan on tying in my sense of humor as well as interviewing/chatting with various people who have different opinions of love and marriage. So, what I'm saying is - CHECK IT OUT! :-)
Best movie to make me question my mortality: The Road Best movie to make me question John Cusak's mortality: 2012
Best movie adapted from a book about physical monsters: Where the Wild Things Are Best movie adapted from a book about emotional monsters: He's Just Not That Into You
Best movie starring Zoe Saldana as a human: Star Trek
Best movie starring Zoe Saldana as an alien: Avatar
Best movie I didn't know I would like: District 9
Best movie I thought I would like and hated: I Love You, Beth Cooper (book was hilarious!)
Best movie to remind me why I love George Clooney: Fantastic Mr. Fox
Best movie to remind me why I love George Clooney a couple of months later: Up in the Air
Best movie to remind me why it's awesome to have best friends: I Love You, Man!
Best movie to remind me to check on camera for evidence of what my best friends do while I'm not around: The Hangover
Best heartbreaking romantic comedy: 500 Days of Summer
Best heartbreaking romantic comedy that wasn't trying to be a heartbreaking romantic comedy but the acting was so bad that it was heartbreakingly comedic: Twilight- New Moon
Best 80s TV icon cameo in a movie: Lou Ferrigno (I Love You, Man!)
Best 80s movie icon cameo in a movie: Bill Murray (Zombieland)
Best movie we wish we could have seen in 2009: Actual, non-rehearsal concert footage of This is It
Best movie we won't have to see in 2009: Tiger in the Sack- A Tiger Woods Story
6:15pm- Dolly track is being constructed. My extras, consisting of some Work Jerks and some actual coworkers, lounge in the conference room. They’ve shown up for me and I’m very appreciative. 6:45pm- To hell with the dolly track! 7:15pm- I play host to the extras while their scene is being set up. Who’s up for a game of numbers? 7:25pm- They are over the numbers game. 7:45pm- Tom takes over the extras. Begins placing them around the office. 8:05pm- Extras scene begins. A lot of “Action so-and-so!” “Action so-and-so!” Being shouted. They walk. It’s a cut and wrap. They are awesome. 9:00pm- Extras part. I hug my friends and wave good bye. My night is nowhere near over. 9:30pm- Food break! My brain is telling me there’s something up with the food, my stomach is saying “to hell with it! Eat!” So I eat (and have a stomach bug the next day, but that’s another story.) 10:00pm- My stomach is starting to hurt but I try my best not to show it. A real actress hides pain, and I’m trying to be one so… 10:30pm- Camera is aimed at my computer. I’m trying to type but I can’t get a line across the screen without having to backtrack. Someone from the crew gives it a try…and fails as well. Jesse steps up; self-proclaimed typing hero. And fails. We laugh. Then he tries very slowly and makes it. We cheer. 11:45pm- This is still fun but my bed is winning the war of “places I’d love to be right now.” 12:30am- I’ve started napping between scenes. I feel a soft snap of light. Ah! Someone took a picture of me. 1:10am- Wonder if dying would be easier than staying awake. (I’ve become melodramatic, signs of a true actress!) 1:15am- Last scene begins. Although I’m clearly exhausted between scenes, I wake up for takes and I’m praised for my determination. I’m coaxed with words like “We’re almost done!” 1:25am- And then we are done. 1:45am- We all gather our belongings and head out of the building. 1:47am- I hug everyone. They are no longer strangers. They are my battle buddies. Majority have never been on such a long shoot before. Although I cannot wait to see my bed, I am sad to part with them. 2:25am- I am in a car headed home. It’s snowing. Badly. Of all nights. I just want to be home! 2:45am- I’m in bed. Almost 24 hours from the last time I felt my pillow against my head. This may have been the longest day of my life but it was also one of the most amazing. It has renewed the feeling that always lies in the pit of my stomach but that I often ignore. I shouldn’t be scared of this, because as hard as it is for me to admit, it’s what I’m meant to do.
Sidebar- the final cut of the video will be released in early January. I will be posting it then.
December 08. We pick up right after 12:30pm when my director (Dan Beers) tells me I'm supposed to wear the doggycam in front of my work building on Madison Avenue, amidst lunch time traffic...
12:45pm- Standing in front of building with crew. People are already starting to look. You ready Lauren? I nod and lift my arms. Wiggle into the harness and smile expectantly. There's no method to my acting. I just "do." 12:55pm- We've moved across the street. Time to walk. Down a city block and around a corner. Some people stop and look, but the best part? The people that don't. 1:15pm- We stop on a corner and Dan (DP, not director) has an idea. He wants a 360 shot. I'm down for anything at this point. He clears the way and I spin a circle 5 feet wide thanks to the suspended cam. Fun. 1:25pm- Harness comes off for the last time. Phew! Done with the weird stares. 1:26pm- Find out what the next scene is. No, not done after all. 1:30pm- Adam, an older man costumed as a homeless person, makes his fake setup on the sidewalk. He's totally into his character. Asking for money from strangers. Dan sets up me. "Don't react to Adam no matter what he does," he tells me. Sure, no problem. 1:31pm- Action! I start to walk past Adam. As soon as I pass he jumps up and starts screaming maniacally. I keep walking as if I've heard nothing. Dan's pleased. People in the street? Not so much. I think a child is crying somewhere. 1:45pm- I receive a text from my coworker who is about 20 stories above me. "We can hear him screaming up here." I'm laughing but wondering at what point are we getting arrested for this? 2:15pm- We don't get arrested. We're on to the next site. 2:45pm- The two Dans and I make a quick run into Union Square station. Quick up and downs on the stairs. Starting to think this is a candid boot camp. 2:55pm- At the Moxie office. Mike and Danny are setting up the elevator for the next scene. I take a break on the couches with Susie, Kris and Christian. We all look pretty tired already. Oh right, we've been doing this for nearly 8 hours. 3:10pm- Elevator is ready, as is my costar in this scene. A guy named Larry. Won't give away too much by telling you how Larry was costumed. Just know that even the non-costumed version of Larry was...creepy. 3:15pm- Light effects in the elevator. Larry is staring at me. Light effects stop. Larry is still staring at me...and asking me if I want to be in his off (way off) Broadway show (aka the subway theater.) I smile awkwardly then look pleadingly at Dan. Help! 4:00pm-Crew heads back to midtown. Two Dans, Christian, Jesse and I hit the 6 train. 4:30pm-NYC rule: no cameras on the subway. Rule? What rule? Dan takes out the cam. 4:45pm-Jesse's wearing his mask again. Most people ignore him. Except a child. Who's completely terrified. 5:15pm-By now we've swapped seats at least 5 times and we've hit 86th street. 5:35pm-Train reaches 59th street. Motion. Slow motion. Sleep motion. *Snap* oh we're here! 5:45pm-Hoof it to my office. Jokes are had. I don't know how we have energy to laugh. 5:50pm-Christian asks Dan how many shots we still have to shoot. "Something like 30." Well then, maybe I should have packed my sleeping bag.
The main portion of the contest I won and spoke of in recent posts was a full day dedicated to the film shoot revolving around my essay. The chosen production company was Moxie Pictures and the director, Dan Beers. Dan, who usually directs and writes comedy created this hilarious short starring Bill Murray back in 2007.
I didn't need to see the short ahead of time to know that Dan was super talented and shared my sense of humor. The irony, however, was that the short he envisioned for me was not a comedy. And therein lies the blank canvas that blanketed the beginning of this project. Something new for Dan. Something new for me.
It took place on December 8th. And this is how it went down...
6:00am- Alarm. The idea of getting up this early was appealing, until I actually had to do it. 6:45am- Lay on couch. Thinking I can nap just a few- buzzzzzzz! What?! It's 7 already? 7:00am- Crew arrives. Eight people make their way through my door. Steve (producer) snaps us into attention. "Make-up, asap!" He's authoritative and sounds familiar. Oh yeah, like me! Duh. Susie Sobol gets to work on my face. It may be early, but this is becoming fun again. 7:20am- Hair. Susie's finishing up my locks while Dan snaps pics for me. He's an earthy director. Has no problem taking my picture, and then promptly making fun of me. 7:25am- Kris (production designer/wardrobe) helps me sort through my wardrobe. It's cold out but a dress would look cute I say. So much for warmth. 7:30am- Three Dans and a Mike meet me in the hallway. Steve reminds us to keep library voices. Dan directs me to walk. Easy enough. 7:40am- I’m introduced to the “doggycam” also known as a “me” cam. It’s a large contraption. I’m scared. I’m told Will Smith wore this very piece. Well in that case, strap me in! I bend and twist. Oh, I think to myself as the camera points right at my face, this is…odd. 7:45am- Lauren, smile. Oh wait, never mind. Keep with the sour puss, it's more believable for morning. 8:00am- Christian snaps pics of me in the awkward contraption. Facebook! Susie I’m sweating, help! She rushes over with make-up brushes. Dan fans me. Someone feed me grapes, now! Kidding. 8:15am- All nine of us slip downstairs, hoping not to draw attention. Bump into my super in the lobby. Doh! It’s a student film… with a director that was hired. And a fully paid crew. And. Ok, yeah, it’s not a student film. 8:30am- Pile into the rented van. Susie meets me in front seat and starts touching me up while Tom asks me how to get to Lincoln. I direct as lipstick is applied. 8:35am- Dan makes my stomach hurt. Because he keeps making me laugh, not because he sucker punched me. 9:00am- Arrive in the Bronx. 241st train station. Renegade filming. Well, this should be fun! 9:15am- Down the block, Dan yells "action!" I notice. And so does everyone else on the block. 9:17am- Between takes people stop to ask me who I am and what movie I’m filming. I just smile…and run away. 9:20am- Christian buys me water and tells me to find him if I want anything to eat or drink. It’s on production’s tab. Awesome, I’ll take lobster. Oh wait. I don’t eat fish. 9:25am- There are a lot of cops around because a woman was shot in the area the morning before. Lovely. 9:45am- Up on the platform. Jesse is to my right, wearing a mask. Dan and Dan are across the platform shouting directions between trains passing. Lauren, look left. Jesse stay there behind her. Good now---skrreeeeeccchhhhhhhhhhhhh. 10:15am- Walking to the van a passerby shouts “Ducksauce!” at me. Is that a movie? A come on line? An indigenous language from Siberia? I have no idea what he meant but we’re all laughing. 10:30am- Heading to the city. Laughing. 11:15am- Stuck in cross-town traffic. Not laughing. 11:30am- Steve jumps out of the van and makes a run for it. Tries to intercept the food delivery that is happening two blocks ahead of us, which we’re about to be late for. 11:31am- Steve makes it. Food doesn’t. 12:00pm- We’re spread out in the atrium. Food has arrived and I’m talking to Jesse and Susie about the IRS and their shenanigans. 12:30pm- Dan tells me it’s time to jump into the doggycam again. I stop eating. Here? On Madison Avenue? During lunch??? Yes. Gulp.
Our last full day on the California coast. Decide to take another road trip. This time we head north to Santa Barbara. 405 to the 101 and within the next hour we are driving along the coast. The mountains take up most of our Eastern view. They rise and fall like a kiddie coaster. We exit and head towards State Street. The buildings have a Spanish feel to them. Even the movie theater blends in; unlike East coast movie theaters that stand alone like stadiums. We eat, and walk, sometimes through clouds of weed smoke. Did you know nearly anyone can legally obtain pot in California as long as your doctor gives you a medical needs card? I know, to us East Coasters it sounds as real as Monopoly money, but in California it’s legit. Blew my mind. We visit the Mission; a large Franciscan church founded in 1786. Creepy and amazing to walk through such an old piece of architecture. We rush because it’s nearly 230pm and we have one last place to visit: The Circle Bar B Ranch.
Like every other little girl in all of America, I grew up loving horses. I’m not sure why, I mean, I grew up in Brooklyn where you only see horses with police on their backs during parades. Must have been something that was whispered into my ear when I was a newborn. Anyway. I’ve rode horses several times in my life, was even thrown off one once. But what honestly brought me to the ranch was the fact that it was listed as one of the top ten things to do while in the Santa Barbara area. Simple as that. Jaime agreed because he loves me. And because he doesn’t pay attention to my itineraries. In this scenario, the latter was clearly the case. As we pulled up he asked me, “So this is a spa thing right?” Obviously, when we moseyed on up to the group of cowboys and a line of stables he did a double take. I explained to one of the horse handlers that I’m a somewhat experienced rider. Jaime offered up that he had ridden a horse once. Slowly. No surprise then that my horse was a young stallion named Rocket and Jaime’s was a gargantuan mare named Dolly. Our leader, and full blown cowboy, was named Clay and, by the lucky of the horses, we were going on a solo ride (in other words they were nice enough to separate us from the family with three whiny kids.) For the next hour we were led through the mountains with Clay telling stories about where he was from (Iowa?) and asking me about Brooklyn because his brother manages a bar there (of course!) And Jaime? Well, think about the combination here: slow horse and a guy who wouldn’t disturb a fly even if it were buzzing around his head shamelessly. Clay had shown us how to kick the horses in a way that conveyed the need for speed. Jaime would give small kicks and then, when our leader would turn away, he’d lean forward (the sweet man he is) and try to convince the horse to move faster by pleading to her. Needless to say, when my horse decided to leap over a small creek (just because) Jaime missed it because he was 100 feet behind. Regardless, we all caught up at the crest of a mountain where Clay parked our horses and told us to chill out. Breathtaking isn’t strong enough of a word to portray just what it was we saw. Green mountains rose and fell, the sun was beginning to blaze pink, and the ocean was just beyond the farthest crest. I didn’t want to leave. But we were warned the cold would come as the sun set further. Picture opp! And then we were off, back down the mountain. I recognized the final trail as we approached it and frowned knowing the end of the ride was around the corner. *Sigh?* A nature girl? Me? Who woulda thunk it? (Especially after that camping debacle. Shiver.) We were helped off our horses and became immediately aware of how much sitting in that position for an hour and a half was going to hurt in just a few hours. Again, totally worth it.
One last stop to make on this trip. We wanted to get together with Jaime’s friend Mitch, who now resides in San Diego. No, no, no. We didn’t drive down to San Diego. I’m not that crazy. We just drove to Anaheim. I was told this was about 30 minutes South of Santa Monica. What’s 30 minutes more? I said. Then I saw the red lights. The break lights. The traffic lights. And then I realized it was 30 minutes without traffic. And, considering there is rarely NOT traffic around LA, this time assumption was completely false. So we sat in traffic for over an hour instead. I thought I might die. Until we finally reached a random mini-mall in Anaheim where we met Mitch for BBQ. Food. Stress reliever. What traffic? We munched on ribs as Mitch told us about his gig as a high school teacher. An hour later we were laughed out with our bellies full. We promised to visit San Diego on our next West coast trip. I guess that’s when we first realized we’d want to return sooner than later. This trip had not rid us of the bug to discover what else this state had to offer. Before we could even give that more thought, we had to head out. Lucky for us, our return trip happened outside of rush hour so it really did only take us about 30 minutes to reach our hotel. Ah, sleep. I dreamt of horses and Dolly Parton. Weird.
Monday (11/9)
Up before the alarm clock. Gather. Pack. Go. Stop at IHop. Eat my usual breakfast. The one thing you can count on to be the same no matter where you go: chain restaurants. Return rental car. Jump the shuttle bus. There’s a funny feeling in my stomach. Ah, it’s sadness. We check in. We’re early. Why do I always book late flights? Sit around in the terminal, get some work done. Look over the pictures we’ve taken. California’s beautiful. It’s not home. May never feel that way, but beautiful nonetheless. Board the plane. Purple lights. Pussycat Dolls music surrounds us. Comedic flight attendants. Déjà vu. Not really. Just amazed at how fast six days went. Take off. California disappears below us. Four and a half hours later. City lights. A different kind of beauty. There’s a funny feeling in my stomach. Ah, it’s the feeling of familiarity. The beaches may not be nearly as pretty, the sunsets not as magnificent but we have real NY pizza, real NY bagels, real NY skyscrapers, real NY attitudes, real NY stride. I missed this. I’m home.
